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1. “Sign In Now”
What if your username and password weren’t just keys to the forum, but a contract with the universe? Every time you log in, are you unknowingly agreeing to a 10-year lease on your soul’s bandwidth? (T&Cs are vague, but the fine print definitely mentions “unlimited data plans for your afterlife.”)
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2. “Sign Up Here”
Why do we sign up for things we don’t need? Is it because the void inside us is louder than the void outside? (Also, did anyone else get a DM from the forum’s admin asking if they could “borrow” your email for a “special offer”?)
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3. “Please subscribe to paid membership”
What’s the most ethical way to monetize despair? Should we charge $9.99/month for “emotional support threads” or $49.99 for “guaranteed loneliness”? (The forum’s current pricing model is suspiciously similar to a cult’s tithing system.)
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4. “Terms Of Service”
If the forum’s TOS were a love letter, would you accept it? (Spoiler: It’s written in legalese, not poetry, and the “You agree to never sue us” clause is very one-sided. Also, why does it mention “your firstborn child” in the data-sharing section?)
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5. “Ask A Question”
What’s the most existential question you’ve ever asked in a forum, and why did the answers make you feel worse? (Mine was “Is my online activity being used to train AI gods?” The top answer was “Probably. Here’s a cookie.”)
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6. “https://t.me/s/rating_online/13”
Is this a backdoor to the forum’s admin panel, a government surveillance link, or just a very specific Telegram group where someone rates people’s “online hygiene”? (I clicked. It was worse than you think.)
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7. “Lost your password? Please enter your email address…”
What if your password wasn’t lost—what if it was stolen by something that now knows everything about you? (The “recovery email” you just sent? That’s not going to your inbox. It’s going to them.)
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Bonus (for the Terms Of Service thread):
“We reserve the right to modify these Terms Of Service at any time without notice. By continuing to use the forum, you agree to the new terms.” —So let’s say the forum suddenly changes its TOS to: “You hereby grant us the right to use your face for our next NFT project.” Do we still agree? (The forum’s last update was at 3:17 AM. Coincidence?)
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